


Don't give up

by MaryLouJan



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9460883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryLouJan/pseuds/MaryLouJan
Summary: S2: What if Astra had not died, what if she and Alex ad been able to form a relationship and what if Alex was the one taken instead of Mon-El by Cadmus?





	1. Found

**Author's Note:**

> Astra had turned her back on Non and saved earth from Myriad after Alex had been able to convince her of a better solution. Along the way, they fell in love and started a relationship. Everything else kind of happened to but it was not Mon-El that had been taken by Cadmus it had been Alex.

Cold. Everything felt cold. A shiver ran through her bruised and battered body. She long lost feeling in her dislocated shoulders and her now dangling legs. She could not fathom the extent of her injuries but she knew if she stayed in her save space, like her training had taught her to, she would be able to block out the pain and shock she knew were lingering around her. She stayed barely awake for the questioning which resulted in more beating which resulted in more pain which resulted in less hope of escape. She had known it was a bad idea to go out and clear her head after a ridiculous fight with Astra. She had known the risks for her life going out late at night with the acute danger of Cadmus lingering above her, too. She had not noticed when the two assailants had silently approached her from behind and struck her with a needle in the neck because she was so absorbed in her own thoughts. Only the slight sting and the following dizziness were registered. She had already been under when a van had come around the corner and the two men had dumped her on the load space of the van. She had still been under when they had dragged her into a concrete cell and strung her up by her hands; until a sharp pain from a taser jolted her out of her unconsciousness. The first thing that had happened before a question was asked was the sudden snap in her shoulder joints from when they had dislocated her shoulder by lifting her body-weight by her arms. She had not even thought about holding back the scream of pain and the kicking of her legs when a punch to the gut silenced her to muffling sobs.

"Where is Supergirl?" had been the question of the masked man with the dark voice. When he had not gotten his answer, the next punch had followed and the next. They had come in turns. First the question then the punches. And they had come with super human strength. She had noticed it right from the first punch that it could not have been a normal human. So, she had braced herself for the pain, for the impact and for the damage to come. She had not answered one question, just told them to go to hell and kill her if necessary. She had lost consciousness numerous times but was always brought back for more torture. Until she had lost any sense of time, a woman had stepped into the room.

"I'm sorry Agent Danvers for the inconvenience. But I found another way to get in contact with Supergirl. She is already on her way. I apologize for the amount of torture Hank put you through but he has a certain disdain for people who associate with aliens, especially when it is the daughter of a traitor." She had chuckled lightly and left her cell. Alex had only screamed for her to come back, had fired off question after question only to get a blow to the head from which she had passed out.

When Alex had woken up again everything had hurt. She had felt the need to vomit or pass out again until she had seen a figure seated in front of her. A slight green glow had illuminated the room and bathed it in a warm light. She had to blink several times to notice the person in front of her.  
"Kar….. Supergirl" she had croaked out and had tried to wiggle out of her bonds to get to her sister, to no avail. The pain had shot through her whole body and she had thrown up the little content her stomach had housed.

"No, Alex don't…" Kara had whimpered, extremely weakened by the Kryptonite emitters. The woman had come out of the shadows watching their interaction. She had told what she wanted of Supergirl and if she would deny her, Agent Danvers would suffer the consequences. Alex had pleaded with her sister not to give in and that she could take everything they would do to her, that it was her task to protect her, which had only resulted in more punches and broken bones. Kara had yelled at the man beating her sister for him to stop but he has just picked up a bat from the corner and smashed Alex' knee. Kara had broken down sobbing begging for them to stop hurting her sister, which had resulted in an amuse expression on the woman's face. She had halted the whole scene and told Supergirl what she wanted.  
Alex had only seen stars. It had been almost too late for her training to kick in if it had not been for the small voice in her head telling her to shut it down or she was no use for Kara. So, she had watched Kara leave the room with the blond woman knowing that she should comply. Little had she known then, that Hank Henshaw, had not finished with her.

And now everything had come back like a train hitting her. She still hung from the chains from the ceiling. Her shoulders were still dislocated. The whole midsection still hurt like a bitch and breathing felt like she would drown. She didn't give much thought to the lack of sensation in her legs. The pain from her waist up to the swollen and blood caked eye were ever present. Alex tried to listen to any noise coming from within the facility they were kept in but was only met with the constant dripping noise behind her. She was afraid for her sister, afraid for her lover, afraid for her friends; afraid of what the outcome of this situation meant. She did not want to die. She could not die, but she was very close to death. She briefly thought about her mother who surely had no idea in which situation Alex was in, her father who was still missing, Kara for whom she hoped had not died or had been tortured by the blond woman and Hank, Astra and their stupid jealousy fight over Detective Sawyer and J'onn who still needed her to keep up the front.

She coughed slightly, resulting in a coughing fit. She tasted blood on her lips and teeth. She knew her time had run out. So, she did something she rarely did. Growing up in a family of scientists did not leave much room for belief. But she prayed to a God she did not believe in, which seemed to be the last resort. She prayed for herself, for her lover, her sister, her mother and her friends at the DEO. She noticed how her heart rate slowed down, how her breathing became shallow and how her grip on reality slipped away. She didn't notice anymore when the metal door was ripped from its hinges and was thrown aside with a loud bang. She did not register the loud gasp and strangled sob coming from the woman she so dearly loved. She just slipped away into a painless, dreamless nothingness.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

"Alex" Astra screamed when she saw her lover dangling from heavy chains. If she had been able to vomit she would have right the moment she used her x-ray vision on the dying Agent. Bones fractured ripped through muscle and ligaments; organs ruptured bleeding from chaps into her body; a lung filling too fast with liquid and a knee dangling at an awkward angle from her upper thigh. She was interrupted by Kara leaning heavy into a man behind her.

"Is she…?" Kara asked afraid to finish her question. Astra turned around and sized up the man holding Kara and her niece, too from top to bottom looking for any signs of injury. But other the utter exhaustion she found nothing threatening.

"No… she… she is still alive, barely." Astra managed ruffled in her usual composure. "Don't look at her little one." The man had not said anything until Kara slightly whimpered.  
"Who are you?" he asked looking pointedly at Astra never letting go of Kara.

"I am Astra In-Ze, last of the House In Ze from Krypton. I'm…" but Kara cut her off.

"She is my aunt, Jeremiah, she is here to help us," Kara said.

"You are her father." Astra simply stated, turning to Alex embracing her midsection to hold her up. She used her heat vision to melt the metal chains holding Alex up. When they came lose Alex slumped over like a puppet without her strings. Astra carefully lifted Alex into her arms and cradled her against her chest, listening to every change in Alex' body.

"I need to get her out of here, " Astra said in a professional tone. "A doctor needs to be seen. I trust you to get my niece out unharmed? There is a tactical team searching this facility. I trust you will find them, Jeremiah." Jeremiah shifted Kara on his side nodding to Astra, letting her through. After 12 years, he would not have thought about such a painful reunion. Seeing his biological daughter on the brink of death made his insides churn.

"Save my daughter, Astra." He said looking after Astra, who took off through a hole in the ceiling. He turned around, shuffling Kara through a long corridor. "You sure have grown up Kara." He chuckled to lighten the mood. She only grunted in response barely able to keep her eyes open. After she had blown out her powers, as she was forced to, they had put her in a cage with kryptonite emitters. They had planned on leaving her there, wanting to kill her after the project had succeeded but without a guard, it was easy for Jeremiah to get to his younger daughter. He had also been the source that had informed the DEO of Supergirl's and Agent Danvers' location.

When they reached a gate several men in tactical gear approached the duo. He was used to being treated as a suspect, mistrusted and mistreated, so he raised his free hand showing that he was not a threat and laid Kara at his feet for them to tend to her. When a black skinned man approached him with his weapon drawn he revealed himself from under his hoodie.

"Jeremiah?"


	2. Too late?

“Dr. Hamilton!” Astra yelled as soon as she touched ground in the DEO base. The place was buzzing with agents preparing for their comrades to return from the rescue mission of one of their lead agents and Supergirl. Agent Susan Vasquez was the first to turn around after Astra’s startling scream. When she saw Agent Danvers’, whom she considered a friend after everything they had been trough at the DEO, motionless and battered form in the Generals arms shew drew in a sharp breath unable to close her gaping mouth.

“Amelia, you need to get to the foyer, with a gurney and med staff, ASAP, its Agent Danvers!” Agent Vasquez yelled trough her intercom tapped to her ear. She got up and ran over to where Astra was glued to the spot, giving away no emotion of any kind. Her face was blank, stoic even. Only the slight tremor which ran through her body gave away her inner turmoil, the raging emotions from fear to anger to devastation. 

Before Susan could shoot her questions at Astra, Dr. Amelia Hamilton, the DEO physician, came around the corner with two med techs and a rolling gurney hot on her heels. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw General Astra shifting one of their best Agents carefully in her arms.

“What happened?” she asked when she approached the two women. Astra blinked as if to wake herself out of her stupor. Shutting off her emotions switching to years of military training and experience she gave her report.

“When we entered the facility where Agent Danvers and Supergirl were held, I found Agent Danvers in a cell, hanging from the ceiling by her wrists.” Said Astra in a professional manner. Dr. Hamilton motioned the two techs to her for Astra to lay the injured agent on the gurney. Carefully Astra laid Astra down on the gurney never letting go of her hand when the group actuated towards the medical area. 

“I already x-rayed Agent Danvers when I entered her cell. She was unconscious and her heartbeat was only faint. She has four fractured ribs, one punctured her lung. There was already fluid in her lung. I think the organ is called spleen, seemed ruptured and bleeding heavily. Her left kidney has taken some damage too and there is a big bruising next to her liver?” Astra trailed off not sure if she got the human organs in the correct order. “Her knee is, how do you call it, shattered. Nothing looks undamaged there and I think I saw a break in her lower back. In the…. spine?” Astra again blinked figuring out if this was the term used for this specific part of the human physique. Dr. Hamilton was listening closely as Astra tried to list of the agent’s injuries already hoping if she could save Agent Danvers life at all. When the group reached the door to the medical area Amelia stopped the General from entering. She waved the techs through telling them to prep for surgery and to call other medical staff. 

“Astra” Amelia used Astra’s first name “You need to let me do my work. You brought her here, now I will try to save her life.” She turned around and left through the milk glass door to tend to her patient.  
Astra just stood there for several minutes frozen to the spot unable to move. Alex’ faint heartbeat was like a connection to the real world, it grounded her in reality. Astra seemed calm on the outside but the emotions running through her could destroy a whole world. The fear of losing a loved one had been buried for decades. She had not felt that amount of terror when she had killed Non when she had lost Krypton. Only once had she felt so helpless and terrified; when she had thought, she had lost Kara, her dear niece. Astra was startled out of her thoughts when she heard Winn call out for her.

“Astra? Hey, what…” he stopped dead in his tracks when the General turned around and he took her bloodstained clothes in. “Oh, my God, Astra what happened, who’s blood is that?” Winn asked frantically checking his friend, looking her over, searching for any kind of injury. 

“They tortured her.” She simply stated, looking anywhere but at him. 

“Who, Kara, is she…? He started but noticed the absence of Alex, who was practically glued to Astra’s side, ever since they started a romantic relationship. “Alex.” Astra only nodded still standing there as if she had turned into a pillar of salt. Winn tried to find any indication of what happened to Astra’s face but found none.

“Is she dead?” he asked swallowing the bile rising in his throat. 

“No, Dr. Hamilton is tending to her right this moment,” Astra answered. She seemed miles away albeit standing in a dimly light hallway. They stood what appeared to be hours when after several minutes J’onn came around the corner, Supergirl in his arms. Winn was the first to come around.

“What happened?” he asked J’onn when he slowed down.

“She blew out her powers, we need a sun bed immediately,” J’onn answered never stopping. “Astra, could you join me?” Astra blinked several times and followed the Martian to the room where the sunbeds were housed. She watched J’onn laying Kara on a sunbed from the doorway, never leaving Kara out of her sight?

“How is she?” He voice was hoarse like she had swallowed a package of wad. She licked her suddenly dry lips and waited for a reply. 

“She was in and out of consciousness on our way here. But other than her missing powers nothing appeared out of the ordinary. She should be back to her old self in a few days.” When he turned around he halted his movements and took in Astra’s bloodstained tactical suit. 

“How is Alex?” his tone softened while he turned on the solar panels of the sunbed. 

“Dr. Hamilton took her to surgery?” Astra more asked than stated. J’onn just nodded and sat down next to Kara. 

“You should get out of this clothes and take a shower. I’m sure no one informed Eliza about what happened and I need to see to Jeremiah. Will you be okay?” he asked getting up to leave the room. Winn was hovering in the hallway trying to find out how Kara was.

“Ah, Agent Schott, the man I need.” He waved Winn over. “While Agent In-Ze,” he put a hand on Astra’s shoulder, “will take a shower and I will get Eliza, would you be so kind and stay with Kara? I will send Jeremiah to you after I actually found him.” He said scratching his head figuring out where the father of the Danvers sisters could have gone to. Winn nodded and squeezed himself past Astra and J’onn into the room. 

The director put a hand on Astra’s lower back and guided her out into the hallway. “Go take a shower. General, this is an order.” He said sympathetically and walked off to find Jeremiah. Astra stood in the dimly light hallway several minutes listening to the buzzing commotion around the DEO headquarter. She watched Winn holding her niece's hand, knowing she would be with a friend when she woke up. Her emotions were running a million miles per hour, from fear over anger, to anger and desperation. Her mind was reeling with noises until it halted when she made out Alex heartbeat. Relieved she exhaled knowing her lover was still alive. She turned around to head towards the locker rooms and take a shower. She gazed down remembering the dried blood on her shirt. Before she could reach her locker her stomach actually turned and she vomited into the next trash can. After her stomach had emptied she slowly got off the floor. God her body felt so heavy. All she wanted was to lie down, go home with Alex, and sleep for the rest of the week. Oh, Alex…. she thought slowly stripping off the bloodied clothes. She stepped into the shower washing away the grime and dirt, the betrayal she felt. They were refugees. All they wanted was a place to live in peace and quiet. Most of them were of no harm. 

Nevertheless, there was this one woman who wanted all of them dead. The most disturbing thing about it was that it was Lena Luther’s mother, a person Kara had thought was a friend. Shaking off these thoughts Astra listened to Alex heartbeat. She would always tell it apart from others, even in a room of thousands of people. She toweled herself off and put on some old sweatpants from Alex and a black tank top. When she stepped out in the hallway again, she saw Eliza in an embrace with the man she had met at the facility, Jeremiah. She was sobbing quietly into his shoulders while J’onn stood nearby giving the couple some privacy. Oh, Rao, please let her survive. Astra prayed to the Kryptonian God. J’onn suddenly looked up with a wary expression on his face when Astra heard it, too. The steady beat had abruptly stopped. His eyes went wide with realization when he stepped towards Astra but it was already too late. With a wail of despair from deep within her, she took off.


	3. Pain

Pain. All she felt was pain. But not of physical kind, no it was emotional. Ever since Alex’ heart had stopped beating a mind-numbing and breathtaking pain had settled in Astra’s chest. If she didn’t know any better she thought she had died right with Alex but her misguided and cold heart was the one that still beat. She needed pain. She needed it fast, she needed to get rid of the despair and hurt in her chest. She needed to feel real pain. She needed to be punished. And there was only one way for punishment. 

When she came back from her short flight to the sun to the DEO headquarters, Astra headed straight for the combat training room. She put the kryptonite emitters at 50 percent. As soon as the green glow illuminated the room she fell to the floor, stripped of her powers, close to vomiting. It didn’t feel like the poisoning at the hands of General Lane but it came close. Sobs bubbled up her throat which came out as a wailing howl, a dying animal. This is what she deserved, this is what her life should feel like. Happiness was not for her. She knew it was too good to be true to find love in someone like Alex. She had brought her back from a dark and mad place only to guide her into light with hope and trust and faith only to be stripped of it in just a blink of an eye. She delivered punch after punch into the cement walls. She did not stop when the skin on her knuckles broke, she did not stop when the searing pain of broken fingers and sprained wrists traveled up her arms. She did not stop when she heard her name was called a first time. She didn’t stop when it was called a second time. She only stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she turned around she looked into the face of a very concerned Eliza Danvers. Her breathing was haggard and shallow. 

“Oh, Astra.” Eliza breathed and Astra’s dams broke. The older woman was barely able to catch her as the alien broke down in her arms sobbing like a small child. They sank to the floor, Eliza holding on to the broken woman as she cried her heart out. She drew Astra closer rubbing soothing circles on her back, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. They stayed like that for a long time. After several minutes, Eliza looked up to see J’onn standing at the control panel to switch of the Kryptonite emitters. She gave him a grateful smile and nodded at him. He understood and left the room. Astra, still captured by her grief, had not noticed that Hank had turned off the emitters and her powers were slowly returning. Further minutes passed until she felt cried out let go of Eliza and leaned her head against the wall. She took a shuddering breath and looked at the woman who was part of her new family now.

“I’m sorry I could not save your daughter.” She whispered looking at the floor, Eliza slowly reached out as not to startled Astra with her affectionate gesture. She put her hand under the alien’s chin and slowly lifted it to meet her gaze.

“Astra, Alex is alive.” She just said and saw a mix of emotions flicker across Astra’s face. Eliza took both her hands in her own and rubbed soothing circles with her thumb. “She coded twice, but Dr. Hamilton and her team were able to revive her. They are still operating, J’onn felt it too but he assured me after you took off that she is still alive.” 

This piece of information caused another flood of tears, this time ones of relief. “She…. She is….. not dead?” Astra asked between hiccups.

“No sweetie. She is not. Alex is a fighter.” Eliza replied, wiping Astra’s tears from her cheeks. 

“Oh, Rao… When I could not hear her heartbeat anymore I thought…..” she trailed off as if coming back from some trance. She noticed the closeness of Eliza and her hands on her, Astra blinked several times and her stoic and clinical face was back. Eliza noticed the change in her demeanor instantly and smiled lightly. 

“I apologize Dr. Danvers. I lost control.” Astra started but was silenced by a gentle arm on her forearm.

“There is no need for an apology Astra and it is still Eliza. I did not expect anything else, actually, I thought that I would find you here. You are always this distant and composed woman, strong on the front. But from what my daughter told me about you, you have a soft spot for both my daughters. So, it is okay to break down after these emotionally draining days.” Eliza scooted next to Astra and put her left hand and Astra’s thigh. “She will survive this, sweetie, Alex won’t leave you. She is too stubborn for that” Astra frowned at the repeated term of endearment. She was not used to this kind of affection except from Alex and Kara. Not knowing how to react she just sat there organizing herself again.

No one spoke for several minutes and they both sat there in total silence. Eliza sat legs stretched, almost relaxed next to a still tense Astra who had drawn her legs up against her chest resting her arms on her knees. She flexed the now healing hands rubbing over her still raw knuckles.

“Hank turned off that awful Kryptonite you use to lower your powers. May I ask why you hurt yourself?” Eliza asked and grabbed one of Astra’s still bruised hands. She knew she would cross a line right there and then but she wanted Astra to understand that she was not alone anymore. That she was family. Her daughter’s girlfriend.

“I just wanted the pain gone,” Astra answered running a hand over her face wiping away the remnants of her tears. 

“By inflicting more pain?” Eliza asked looking incredulous at the raven-haired woman.

“I am talking about the emotional pain. It hurts far more than any kind of injury could ever hurt. So, I tried to numb one pain with another. I don’t expect you to understand but after losing Krypton, my world, my sister and my niece, I never thought I would feel this kind of pain ever again.” She stretched her legs and switched to cross-legged. If someone would have seen these two women sitting there no one would have guessed that the dark-haired woman was an alien warrior, a former General of the noble military guild of Krypton, turned eco-terrorist convicted to Fort Rozz for her committed crimes. She looked like any human in her sweatpants, running shoes and a tank top. 

“Oh, I do understand Astra. After we lost Jeremiah I felt a hole in my chest too. But for Alex, it was far worse because he had so much faith in her helping Kara to adapt. She was the one who held everything together and never asked for anything in return. Every one of us had to carry a big package but Alex’ was the biggest.” Eliza squeezed Astra’s hand.

“That is my Alex, always the savior of everyone. She saved me too.” Astra said looking Eliza in the eyes searching for any kind of former knowledge of herself. But if Eliza knew, she didn’t give it away. So, Astra continued.  
“Do you know how I ended up on earth instead of dead like the rest of Krypton?” she asked waiting from Eliza to answer. She shook her head no.

“My sister banned me and my associates to Fort Rozz, a space prison invented by Kryptonians. Our planet was dying and I tried to save it with, you can call it drastic measures. Non, my former husband, killed a guard, hence the conviction. When Krypton exploded Fort Rozz ended like Kara’s Pod in the Phantom Zone. After her pod came free it somehow brought Fort Rozz along. When we landed on earth the inmates scattered all over earth. And I vowed to not let the humans destroy their planet. I decided to follow through with my original plan. That’s when I met Alex and found my niece again. To spare you the unpleasant details it took a while until Alex convinced me there would be other ways to save earth. Without violence and mind control.” She saw Eliza slightly frown ant that piece of information but said nothing.

“She brought me back from my maddened self, trusted me just because Kara trusted me to do the right thing and showed me that even I can get redemption. Alex is my second chance, the chance I never thought I would get. She showed me love.” A single tear slid down Eliza’s cheek after Astra had opened to her. She knew she left out a lot of details but seeing Astra break down like that and revealing so much of her emotions showed Eliza that Astra really loved her oldest daughter. Their silent moment of mutual understanding was interrupted when J’onn and Jeremiah stepped in.

“We just wanted to let you know that Alex is out of surgery and Dr. Hamilton wants to talk to all of us.”


	4. Truth

The four of them slowly made their way out of the combat room. Eliza, her hand on Astra’s elbow, silently guided the alien woman, afraid that she still might be affected by the Kryptonite. J’onn and Jeremiah walked ahead of them, neither one speaking a word. 

“She will be okay,” Eliza spoke soothingly to Astra when they reached the medical area, Dr. Hamilton already standing in front of the door with her chart in her hand. She smiled politely at the four of them and started when J’onn gave her the silent order to explain.

“Okay well, first of all, she pulled through and is stable for now.” She saw Eliza smile, J’onn’s facial expression slip to relief, Jeremiah took hold of his wife’s hand to squeeze it and Astra closed her eyes, probably thanking Krypton’s God for a second chance. “The General” she addressed Astra briefly, “was right about her first scans. She suffered a punctured lung due to fractured ribs. We were able to repair the damage and drain and re-inflate the lung. She is on a ventilator to assist her breathing right now.” Astra gasped at this piece of information but was consoled by Amelia.   
“The ventilator does not breath for her but assists, Astra, she is able to breathe on her own but too weak to do it on her own, so the ventilator assists her until she can do it on her own again. Furthermore, you were correct to assume internal organ damage. The spleen was ruptured and bleeding heavily hence the removal. Same with her left kidney. We were not able to save it.” J’onn shook his head knowing what it meant from Alex’ future. 

“She can lead a perfectly normal life with medication without these two organs. What worries me is the fracture in her spine. Without a specialized physician, I did not want to operate on her to cause possible further damage.” Amelia sighed and let the chart drop by her side. 

“Listen, the thing is there is swelling around that area and from the MRT scans it looks like her spine is jammed between the two breaks. I don’t know until she wakes up if there is any loss of motor function and or sensation but you need to know just in case. What I mean is, that Agent Danvers could weak up with a possible permanent or non-permanent paralysis.” Eliza winced when she noticed her hand was about to break from Astra’s firm grip. She tried to squeeze back and was surprised when Astra let go as if burned by the touch only to looked bewildered and frightened.   
“I’m so sorry Dr. Danvers.” she slipped back into formal mode, hiding her hands behind her back but Eliza just shook her head no. She turned back to Dr. Hamilton.  
“Did I cause this? By flying her here?” Astra asked eerie calm. Amelia cocked her head to the side.

“I con not say no but neither yes Agent In-Ze. I’m sorry, but be assured that the injury as such, without you moving Agent Danvers can cause the exact same outcome. That is why I did not want to operate.” DR. Hamilton turned to J’onn. “If you approve, I would like to consult a former colleague of mine. He is an excellent neurosurgeon and I could use his help, sir.” DR. Hamilton was a very good physician and she did most of the treatments and surgeries with her well-trusted team but for her to ask permission for consultation told J’onn everything he needed to know. 

“Of course, Dr. Hamilton. I will get the paperwork started.” J’onn said and left for his office. Astra still stood there calm on the outside, a storm raging on the inside debating whether she should leave because it was her fault or to stay because it was her fault. Everything she did ended badly, everything she loved died at one time and she was left with an endless amount of pain. But Alex was not dead, yet. Severely injured, possibly crippled and it was her fault because she had acted rash and on impulse. And now this could cost Alex more than her life. She was brought out her thoughts by a hand on her shoulder. 

“Astra, come, we can see Alex,” Eliza said waiting for Astra to comply but Astra just stood there shaking her head. 

“I do not think I have the privilege of seeing Alex just yet. If she knew what I have done, she would not want me there.” Astra took a step back but Eliza grabbed her by the hand and stopped the flight attempt. 

“Astra, please stop blaming yourself. You saved her. These monsters are responsible for everything that has happened to her, not you. You are not at fault.” Eliza said grabbing Astra by her shoulders trying to get her message across. But Astra freed herself turned around and punched the wall. Rubble fell from the hole and Astra heaved a sigh.

“If we had not have had this stupid fight she would not have left the apartment and Cadmus would not have had a chance to capture her.” She turned around fury in her eyes, body trembling from self-hatred. “So yes, it is my fault. I could not protect her.” 

“No Aunt Astra, it isn’t,” Kara whispered leaning against Winn with an arm around her waist to support her. Jeremiah and Eliza were immediately by her side.

“Sweetie, you should rest. Come.” Eliza said taking over from Winn but Kara stood her ground. She weakly pushed her adoptive mother's hand away and walked over to Astra.

“Alex would not blame you, I don’t blame you. So please don’t blame yourself. I’m scared, too Astra, she is my sister, my hero but now she needs us all of us the people she loves. And she loves you, so so much.” When she finished, she had reached her aunt and pulled her into a tight embrace holding onto her being the one to sooth instead of being soothed. She knew every tiny bit that had happened to Astra ever since she found her aunt on earth again and she knew that she carried the weight of the world around, just like Alex did. They both were so similar in this case. If the roles were reversed, Kara was sure her sister would blame herself as well.

“I did not get out of this bed to have a discussion with you. I wanted to see how my sister is doing so can we just go now, please?” Kara asked looking more exhausted than anything. Astra looked at her for a long moment before nodding her head. She didn’t trust her voice at this moment. If anyone could be convincing it was Kara. Kara slowly exhaled and grabbed her aunt's hand.

“You should come to,” Kara said turning around to face her adoptive parents. But Jeremiah and Eliza shook their head.

“No sweetie, you two should go in first. We have to catch up anyways and J’onn texted me. He wants to talk to us about that specialist.” Eliza said getting a confused look from Kara. “We will talk later, now go, see your sister and tell her we love her.” Kara just nodded and opened the door to the medical bay. 

“Do you think Alex will make it? I tried so hard to get her out but when they….” Jeremiah started but was shushed by his wife. She gently kissed him on his stubble cheek. 

“It was never your fault Jerry. I’m just so glad that you got all out, alive and Alex, god your daughter will survive this. She is way too stubborn to leave Kara and now Astra. After all, she did what you told her to do, protect and help Kara.” Eliza said proudly but also exhausted. “Let’s go see what J’onn and Dr. Hamilton have to say about this specialist.” She grabbed her husband’s hand and lead him to J'onn's office. 

Meanwhile in the med bay Kara and Astra walked into a private room set up by the med techs for Alex. Usually, they had the beds in a row, but due to Alex’ condition, Dr. Hamilton had insisted on a private room. Paula, one of the med techs a petit blond walked in ahead of them.

“Please don’t be afraid of all the machines in here, I don’t know how familiar you are with medical life support, but here on earth the machines help.” She gestured towards the ventilator and the endotracheal tube. “This is a ventilator and helps her breathing. This machine monitors her heartbeat.” Paula chuckled slightly at Astra’s funny face. “We can’t hear her heartbeat, so the machine will do.” Kara nodded at the tech, silently telling her that they wanted to be alone now. Paula understood and left. Astra just stood next to the bed looking at Alex’ rising chest.

“I can hear her.” She whispered slowly approaching, fidgeting with her hands. Alex looked small, pale due to the blood loss and fragile. Half of her face was covered by a band that held the tube down her throat her pale arms lying still, one with an IV attached to the back of her hand. Slowly Astra sat down on the edge of the bed and took ever so carefully and gently Alex hand in her own. Kara took the place opposite from Astra and mimicked the gesture.

“I can hear it too. It’s strong Astra, she will make it.” Kara said looking at her sister. She had never seen so small and fragile.

“But at what cost.” Astra sighed and closed her eyes, listening to the steady heartbeat of her lover.


End file.
